Dear Stranger,
I see you. Every day. I have studied your face multiple times and yet you are still far off to me. Your elusiveness may make you seem aloof, but what you fear is being known. You fear the thought of someone knowing you, because you fear that they will know, as you do, that you are an imposter. That people don’t truly care for you because you are not worthy of being cared for. That you’re a liar. A slanderer. Your aggressive. Your overly violent. Your every Disney villain rolled into one. Well honey, none of that is true. I see it in your face.
You see, you have the face of someone in a hurry. You have the face of a ‘don’t look at me, I just got out of bed after sleeping ten hours’ kind of person. You think your hideous, but I see past the mirror. I see the slight heterochromia in your eyes. Those eyes you use to project compassion, but that will never project compassion upon yourself. Those eyes that make you see people in the best light, but will not allow you to stand or seek in the best light. Those eyes that can search a soul and know it in seconds, yet refuse to search your own. Those eyes that see beauty in everything, except in your own reflection. I see everything in those eyes.
I see your dimples when you smile. As much as you wish you didn’t you smile a lot. And you laugh a lot too. You spread joy in that smile. In those dimples. In that laugh. You affirm others identity. You make them think they’re funny when they’re not, and make them laugh when they are sad. If you could have it your way, the world would be full of laughter and not tears. Yet here you are crying to me. You feel you can’t even live up to your own words. But I see you struggling. Fearing that you laugh too much or at the wrong time. Fearing that people are sick of your nonsense. Fearing that you will never live up to their standards. Not true. Joy can sometimes be sickening. But it is never not called for. To joke and to be serious are not mutually exclusive, so don’t excuse your joking. Smile in the face of adversity. Maybe it won’t smile back or change anything, but what use is it worrying. Worry never solved anything.
I see your heart. If you wore it on your sleeve, your sleeve would be stained red. Your heart bleeds for everything. You hate seeing people hurting. If you could substitute yourself for them, you would. If you could heal every wound, whether deep, superficial, emotional, spiritual, or mental, you would. If you could feed everyone, you would. If you could do even one small thing to help, you would. But you are not super human. You can’t do everything. And trying to will get you nowhere. Besides, there is that real crippling fear of yours that none of it will be reciprocated. That you will never know what it is to be loved in this way. That you are an expendable friend. That in all of your friendships you are a loser, an outcast, and a stowaway. That no one truly wants to spend time with you or to be with you. That you’re a means to an ends. That you are nothing. Snap out of it. You are none of those things. So, you have lost friendships. Everyone has. Friendships are an infinite tug of war against hardship. If you get up and leave without notice, or are injured, or try to do it alone, you will be beaten. Friendships are there to lighten the load. Sure, it’s a struggle. And sure, you overly compare yourself to others and want to be there for everyone, but that will not help you win. Your all fighting the same enemy. Don’t make yourself another enemy. Your friends care. You are not nothing to them.
I see you, stranger, and your strive for selflessness. But if we are honest with ourselves, how can we be truly selfless without acknowledging the self. If we must love our neighbour as ourselves we must first love ourselves. And I see all your faults and your doubts and I love you. How can we continue loving people if we don’t love each other. I see me and I love me. I am that side of you that shows love, stranger. You may not want me to love you, but we are in this fight together, you and I. I am here to lift me up. Because you are me and I am you. Our outward show of love must echo our inward love. When we look in the mirror, we must smile at each other. We are not separate but one. You see stranger, I love you, because I am the stranger. Now let me care for you.
Yours, in love,
Yourself.
Fay Dragon 